Why Anthony Weiner is More Effective Than Your Therapist

  I caught sight of an intriguing magazine cover while in the Walmart checkout lane, pretending not to notice everyone staring at my unkempt hair and crazy attire. As a slightly-dysfunctional housewife who spends the day in pink Simpson's jammies, I prefer to avoid making eye contact, by feigning extreme interest in the reading material.

   I try to avoid the "real" news, as it is normally disturbing and exacerbates the panic attack I am certain to be having, because I have left the safe bubble of my house and spent the last hour choosing the optimal flavor of ice cream.

 Or toothpaste. Toothpaste decisions are the worst.

   Anyway, I stick to updates on the boyfriends Taylor Swift has dated and then featured in snarky songs since last week. It is less worrisome than the latest on the state of the economy, despite being much more complicated.




   So, it was with some confusion that I noticed an article on the Clinton/Lewinski scandal, on a magazine that is normally (and mercifully) free of anything actually newsworthy. Apparently, somebody found tapes (or 8-tracks, or papyrus scrolls, or whatever they used in the 1990's) of these two, back in the day. I will not elaborate, because I am not completely devoid of shame and class. Suffice to say, I was baffled as to why this story would be in this magazine. Not only did it have a basis in a genuine political event, it was OLD. Leave Bill Clinton alone. He has done his time in the press, and if I (a devout Republican) am over it, everyone else should be as well. If we are going to feature actual news stories in these publications, we have plenty of new ore to mine, that is much more entertaining. Because, since the Clinton administration, someone invented texting. Better yet, somebody invented Anthony Weiner. And Mark Sanford, and Eliot Spitzer...

 

  So, for the next few days I will be providing comic relief in the form of a "Greatest Hits" compilation of recent political gaffes. It is the only way to survive another election season with our sanity intact. Well, it is obviously too late for me, but hopefully I can help some of you.

   Let me clarify that I have no right to judge another. Goodness knows I could make the cover of a salacious magazine, if only I were interesting and beautiful and talented. However, I am not trying to solicit votes to rule the country. And actually succeeding. So, I feel quite free to at least glean some enjoyment from these soap operas. Ever since "Santa Barbara" got cancelled, I have been hungry for hilariously bad, unbelievable story lines featuring attractive actors in fine Italian suits. Enter Anthony Weiner.