Let us relish the anticipation of Autumn together. Something, perhaps the cheery sight of cheap plastic Freddy Kruger masks and Grim Reaper scythes, brings a sense of peace to my troubled mind. Of course, the actual season does not begin until mid-September, but marketing experts at my local retailers are subtly hinting that it has arrived, if you consider 50 rows of seasonal merchandise to be subtle. And if you can't trust advertisers, well, who is left to believe?
Honestly, though, as soon as I see the Fall wares arrive in the stores, my mood is elevated instantly. I do not know why this is, as I was long one of those people for whom the holidays were a trigger for depression. And, occasionally I revert back to this emotional response, because my hormones are as rational and predictable as Utah weather patterns. As a general rule, however, although I am weary of the increasingly premature holiday pitches these sellers ram down our throats, in an effort to meet their quarterly financial goals, the view of early Fall mass-produced junk still makes me happy.
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| Lucy Untangling the Halloween Lights |
Yeah, I said it. This season puts me in a good mood.
People don't even recognize me with this smile on my face, or maybe they don't recognize me because they have not seen me since LAST Fall, the most recent time they witnessed me venture outdoors. I am the only person I know who develops a golden, summery tan. In September.
This time of year ushers in the mass death of the Mammoth insect and arachnid population. Although, if you really think about it, this is financially unfortunate. The spiders hanging from my rafters would make excellent free Halloween decorations, if they would just hang on a little longer. Despite this drawback, I am looking forward to the freedom to leave my house again, without fear of being devoured by a creature with zillions of eyes that appear to follow my every move, similar to the Mona Lisa painting. But not quite as creepy, obviously. Arachnophobes, join me in a mass exodus from our basement chambers!
Another welcome change for me is the return of the school session. No longer am I required to routinely get out of bed and act sane for the sake of my children. Please do not misunderstand. I absolutely love my children. This devotion is precisely the reason I am so relieved, for their sakes, that they now have to spend less time with their slightly-unbalanced mother. (Remember: I pointedly stated that this time of year "puts me in a good mood." I did not claim that it renders me suddenly functional and consistently pleasant.)
Ooooh, and what can exceed the thrill of Halloween movies? Due to our house rule against gory and Rated-R movies, we often end up watching vintage horror films starring Vincent Price's grandfather's great-uncle's aunt, or at least the films appear to be of a time period corresponding to that generation. These older (like, pre-historic) pieces relied on really bad special effects, rather than sex and violence, to entertain. And I assure you, they succeed. You do not know comedy until you have subjected your friends to a viewing of an ancient B-movie. Better yet, watch the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version of it.
Actually, one of the best offerings on television of this time of year is the cleaned-up slasher flick. Some of the most terrifying come from Alfred Hitchcock, who in a twisted fit of genius, once diabolically poured perfectly good chocolate syrup down the drain, to simulate blood in "Psycho." Anybody who could waste a tasty sweetened beverage, and so cavalierly, was obviously destined for horror film greatness. I highly recommend a viewing party with your closest friends, or maybe your dog if you don't like actual people.
Best Hitchcock Films List
Happy Fifteen-Days-Until-Fall-Equinox Day!
