Creating Family Harmony (out of Crafting Sticks and Glue)

We Enjoy Creating Modern Arrangements
  (Dead Stuff in a Plastic Cartoon Cup )

   We have established that I roam the outside world as frequently as, say... our pet fish. This is really an accomplishment on my part, because we have not kept fish in years. But if we did, they would undoubtedly tell me to get out more. "Maybe," they would warble sarcastically, "You could buy yourself a NEW pair of pajamas, in which to do nothing."

   While I have inexplicably found myself psychologically able to leave home more often lately, I know the agoraphobia might return at any time. Forgive me for being paranoid, but we agoraphobics tend to lean that way. It's part of our charm.

Home Pedicure

 

 
 

 
   So, I have to keep a repertoire of fun, exciting, adventurous activities on hand, to occupy my family without exiting our front door. Sometimes, entrenched in the throes of a particularly violent panic attack, I actually cannot even leave the bathroom, with its welcoming toilet and easily-disinfected vinyl flooring. Barf is horrendously difficult to remove from carpet. (Fortunately, these amusing episodes occur only rarely these days, but it is when they do that I really appreciate the TV my husband mounted on the wall in there.) If you have never attempted to placate a dog, a cat, and three kids from inside the loo, you should definitely try it. It is a challenging exercise in creativity.

   Like any Utah housewife, I attempt to achieve indoor family merriment by employing ingenuity, talent, and a knack for kitchy crafts. Unlike any other Utah housewife, I possess not an ounce of any of these things. They sound fun, though. (The almighty Spellchecker has begged me to remove the non-existent word "kitchy" from my writing, but I will stand firm. I'm learning to take chances and stand up for myself.)

Boldly Leaving the House.
But Not the Yard.

   This being the REAL "most wonderful time of the year," I keep trying to find fun Autumn-themed projects to keep us occupied. By "occupied," I obviously mean "under the control of a tyrannical foreign government." I am the hot mess of a dictator, and if I fail to keep my household entertained, they might revolt and escape.

 
   So, somebody introduced me to Pinterest. We did not get along. Pinterest and myself, that is. I am sure the person who arranged the meeting was simply lovely, and that we are BFF's, and if only I could remember who it was, she would forgive me for only looking at the site once. Yes, once. It was kind of like a parent being introduced to her daughter's first boyfriend, who has a tattoo of Beavis on his face, next to his spiked dog collar. The relationship is doomed from the start.

The Trampoline Makes a Nice Cage, as Well.
And, Who Needs a Pool?

 
   Still, I am determined to give this Pinterest thing a second chance. With our outdoor days numbered, the boredom levels in my kingdom will soon be approaching the red zone. I fear mutiny is imminent. So, hopefully someday soon I will have photos of adorably complicated creations to post on here. Maybe I myself will actually have fashioned a life-sized replica of Disney's Haunted Mansion, using only crafting toothpicks.

   If you find instructions for such an endeavor, please do not hesitate to share them. (With somebody else, who might have an actual chance of success.)